How To Win Friends And Influence People: The Best Business Advice You’ll Ever Find

Written almost a century ago by Dale Carnegie, ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ was always regarded as a psychology book. However, it turns out to be a complete guide to sales, negotiations and business relationships that will shift how you do business and view your interactions forever. It is, in fact, the best business advice you’ll ever find. 

In the ‘win people to your way of thinking’ section, Carnegie advises his readers that the best way to win an argument is to avoid it. This reminds me of the quote in ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’ by Oscar Wilde: ‘it is only the intellectually lost who ever argue’. Because if you’re right, you don’t need to prove it, and if you’re wrong there’s nothing to prove. Science shows arguments don’t solve problems; if anything, they make the problems worse.

If, let’s say, you’re choosing the colour of the walls at your office with one of your colleagues, and you think blue is ideal but he thinks brown is better, keep it simple: don’t argue. If you try to convince him that blue is better, he’s going to get defensive and start thinking of reasons why brown is better, so he’ll never see your side. As he writes in the book, ‘criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself’. So what could you do instead? Try to find a deal that fits you both, like ‘if the new walls are blue, you can choose the colour of the couch’. 

This relates to some of his other points, like ‘try to honestly see things from other people’s point of view’, ‘show respect for other people’s opinions’ and ‘be sympathetic to the other people’s ideas and desires’. 

There is an old misconception that being a good leader means making other people fear you and being harsh on them. Nevertheless, it actually means earning their respect by treating them right. This doesn’t mean you have to constantly please your employees or say yes to everything they propose without establishing limits. It’s really about showing genuine curiosity, not blaming them without knowing the whole story when something goes wrong and being able to motivate them to work hard and effectively for your business. 

According to Carnegie, you can do this by asking questions instead of giving orders, using encouragement even at small improvements, calling attention to people’s mistakes indirectly and talking about your own mistakes to make them feel less uncomfortable with their own. As Thomas Carlyle said, ‘a great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men’. 

When a company sells you a product, like an iPhone, notice they never talk about how they profit from the sale, but rather about how you’ll impress people around you, take better pictures, longer battery life, etc. In business, it’s not about what you get, it’s about how the other person benefits. Even almost a century ago, Carnegie understood this. His eighth point, ‘talk in terms of other person’s interests’ pairs perfectly with his ninth point ‘make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely’. I’m sure if you’ve ever been shopping, you’ve noticed how the store assistant shows up and starts complimenting how those pants look on you. Yes, it’s all calculated. 

Remembering people’s names is also important, as it is the most sacred thing to them. In fact, psychology shows that a person is more likely to be kind to you if you say their names. So, always remember their names, whether they’re business partners or employees.

Overall, ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ is not just some psychology book that has sold 30 million copies worldwide. It’s proof that in business, it’s sometimes about human connections and relationships rather than numbers. And although the examples in the book are out of date, the ideals Carnegie advocates are timeless.